My Little Secret
It was 10pm and I drifted off to bed. I was tired and wanted to go to sleep and dream those dreams where unicorns existed, where people could fly and where there was a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow. As expected, I had the most amazing dream ever. I dreamt I had soft white wings and I was flying in and out of the clouds. My dream was some what interrupted by the creaking of my bedroom door. A figure lurked by the end of my bed and watched my chest rise and fall as I tried to ignore the noise. Slowly the figure floated towards my fragile body, my breathing becoming deeper. I kept my eyes closed, hoping they would go away, but they didnt. To my surprise, they pulled the duvet to one side and you joined me in my bed. By now my heart was beating so fast I thought it my chest was going to explode. It was five minutes before you moved again. I didnt like where this was going. A cold hand lifted up my polka-dot nightshirt and the rest I dont need to explain. I didnt know what to do, I was frozen with shock. Keeping my eyes closed, I was pretending to be asleep. How was I supposed to react? I just laid there while they did as they wished. After 10 minutes of their hand being up my nightshirt, they removed their hand and smoothed my nightshirt. Before they left, they kissed me on the cheek and told me they would be back. I couldnt sleep for the rest of the night. All I could do was run the events that had just happened over and over. I just simply didnt understand. Alas, morning came and I was too scared to leave my room, yet frightened to stay in it. I spent the whole day playing with my Barbie dolls. The only time I left my room was for meals and when I needed the bathroom. Sitting round the table for dinner, their empty eyes bored into mine, a huge smirk slowly creeping across their face. I quickly broke eye contact, staring at my meal. Pushing my plate away, I asked my mum if I could be excused. I couldnt eat with him sitting opposite me, acting as though this was a big game. By now it was 7pm and my bedtime was slowly approaching. When my bedtime finally approached, I wore my all-in-one pyjamas, not daring to wear a night shirt again. My mum came in to tuck me in and say goodnight, Id never felt so safe since the incident. When she left my room, fear surged my body. There was no way I was going to be able to get to sleep tonight. What if he came back? I needed a way to stop him from coming in to see me again, but how? Then an idea struck me, I put all of my toys against the door, hoping that it would prevent him from opening the door. Feeling a little safer, I allowed myself to drift off to sleep, where I could dream about unicorns yet again. I woke up again, to find you sat on the edge of my bed. Again, I panicked, and kept my eyes closed praying that you would go away. No matter how much I prayed, you did not go away. Then I remembered I wasnt wearing my nightshirt, a huge sigh of relief. I thought you would back away after youd pulled the duvet to one side and saw what I was wearing, but it didnt stop you. Slowly unzipping my pyjamas, you gently pulled out my arms from the sleeves, trying not to wake me. I remember when you kissing my chest as you pulled my pyjamas down to my knees. I felt so dirty. After you unfastened your trousers, you piled all of your weight on top of me and then you began to breathe heavily, grunting now and then. Sheer pain shot up my body. All I could do was lie still, hoping it would end soon. It took all my energy not to open my eyes and let you know I was secretly awake. The pain didnt subside, it only grew worse. I lose track of time, then finally you stopped. Quickly fastening your trousers, you kissed me on the cheek again and told me not to anyone. With that, you walked out of my bedroom and closed the door behind you. I opened my eyes, tears trickling down my pale skin. I was 10 years old. On June 5th, I got raped. That was my secret.